Dick around (dik uh-round) -v. to do nothing of value; to waste time.
Dave just dicks around at work and no one ever calls him on it, must be nice to be a manager.
Asswad (as-wod) -n. an obnoxious person.
That asswad in the beamer took up two parking spaces and chucked his Starbucks cup into the hedges again.
Hard (hahrd) -adj. state of sexual arousal in males, having an erection.
She wants me to apologize for her Valentine’s Day card, but I think “I get hard every time you say my name” was a romantic thing to write.
Cooter (koo-ter) -n. pussy.
My Daddy was a traveling choir robe salesman in the bible belt and he bragged that he had a cooter in every congregation.
Lay pipe (ley pahyp) -v. to have sexual intercourse.
Haven’t seen my girl all week, but I’m gonna take her out to a nice dinner before we lay pipe tonight.
Knob (nob) -n. 1. dick, penis. 2. the head or tip of the penis.
I always give her just enough foreplay to get my knob in, leaves ‘em wanting more.
Asswipe (as-wahyp) -n. 1. a worthless, annoying, pompous or contemptible person. 2. toilet paper.
My cheapo roommate started hiding the toilet paper he paid for, so when I need some asswipe I tear a page out of one of his notebooks.
Dickwad (dikwod) -n. a stupid and ineffective male; a useless idiot.
No wonder our numbers are in the toilet; the entire sales force is full of dickwads.
Fucking (fuhk-in) -adj. 1. damned; confounded. 2. extremely. (used as an intensifier).
I fucking love you and I love fucking you.
Hit skins (hit skins) -v. to have sexual intercourse.
I’m still in shock; my baby and me were hitting skins last night and an Impala crashed right through our living room wall.
Prick (prik) -n.1. a penis. 2. a guy who acts like a dick.
If you weren’t such a prick, I’d let you do more than buy me a drink.
Flaccid (flas-id) -adj. soft and limp, not erect nor aroused.
Still handcuffed to the bed, Dave lay fat and flaccid waiting for the maid to rescue him.
Fag hag (fag hag) -n. a woman who mainly associates with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends.
I’m not a fag hag, I just don’t trust straight men.
Hair pie (hair pahy) –n. vagina, pussy, bush; a woman’s wedge shaped pubic hair.
My most awkward sexual encounter in high school was when Meredith Palmer’s hair pie got caught on my braces.
Dickhead (dĭk’hěd’) -n. 1. a stupid, foolish, or contemptible person, a jerk. 2. The tip of the penis.
Don’t be a dickhead; leave a decent tip.