January 2012
32 posts
Happy Fucking New Year
As promised, 365 days straight.
Let’s see how long we can keep this shit up, shall we?
Randy
Randy (ran-dee) -adj. horny; lustful; sexually aroused.
Melissa must have been feeling a little randy after all that champagne, cause she came home with her sweater on backwards.
December 2011
31 posts
2 tags
Shit list
Shit list (shit list) -n. a group of people that are disliked ro have fallen out of favor; persona non grata.
Congratulations kid, you’re back on Santa’s shit list.
1 tag
Rack
Rack (rak) -n. breasts.
The holidays really get to me, it’s been six days since we went to the mall and I’m still thinking about the rack on Mrs. Claus.
1 tag
Cougar
Cougar (koo-ger) -n. an older woman on the prowl for sex with much younger men.
I thought hooking up with the neighborhood cougar was awesome until her grandkids came for a visit.
Prostitot
Prostitot (pros-ti-tot) -n. an underage girl who dresses like a slut.
When did every junior high school in this country get overrun by prostitots?
Player
Player (pley-er) -n. a man who dates or sleeps with many women.
Don’t hate the player, hate the parents who didn’t teach him to respect women when he was a boy.
2 tags
One-night stand
One-night stand (wuhn-nahyt stand) -n. a single sexual encounter between two people, most often strangers who do not have further contact afterwards.
One again, Melissa celebrated the holidays by having a one-night stand with a guy in a Santa suit.
2 tags
Nooky
Nooky (noo k-ee) -n. sex; sexual intercourse or any sexual activity. See also nookie.
Let’s make a little Christmas nooky, slide my candy cane inside your sweet cookie.
Bear paw
Bear paw -v. to scratch one’s crotch by reaching into one’s pants.
I plan on spending the holidays just watching TV and bear pawing on my parent’s couch.
Doggy style
Doggy style (dog-ee stahyl) -n. sexual position in which one partner crouches on all fours, while the other partner penetrates their vagina or anus from behind.
My husband kept asking if we could do it doggy style, so long story short, I got a divorce and a great dane.
1 tag
Cock tease
Cock tease (cok teez) -n. a woman or man who flirts or seduces men with no intention of engaging in any actual sexual activity.
Legend has it that Melissa, the greatest cock tease to ever set foot on these shores, leaves a trail of blue balls in her wake.
2 tags
Stroke off
Stroke off (strohk awf) -v. to masturbate, usually used in reference to men.
I got home last night and my roommate was stroking off on the couch right in the middle of the living room with the lights on.
Cock block
Cock block (cok blok) -v. to stop another person from picking up someone (especially a friend) to have sex with.
I met the woman of my dreams last night, but got totally cock blocked by some douche with spiky hair.
Homosexuality
Homosexuality (hoh-muh-sek-shoo-al-i-tee) -n. sexual acts or desire directed toward a person or persons of the same gender.
Homesexuality is not a bad word.
Bump uglies
Bump uglies (buhmp uhg-lees) -v. to have sex.
Yo mama so homely, the only way she gets to bump uglies is walking into a mirror.
Boink
Boink (boingk) -n. to have sexual intercourse.
Unless you’re fucking Jessica Rabbit, don’t say, “I boinked her last night.”
3 tags
Assbite
Assbite (as-bahyt) -n. 1. An idotic jerk. 2. the chaffing or numb sensation caused by siting in one place for too long.
That meeting went on for so long, my leg fell asleep then the assbite set in.
Blow a load
Blow a load -v. to ejaculate.
My date with Melissa ended prematurely when I blew a load in my pants right on dance floor.
1 tag
Boff
Boff (bof) -v. 1. to fuck. 2. to have a quickie.
I was taking a piss behind the Waffle House dumpster and saw Burt Reynolds boffing a broad in the back of his Trans Am.
1 tag
Nympho
Nympho (nim-foh) -n. a woman who is obsessed with sex or who compulsively has sex with many partners.
You have 8 step-brothers and sisters, so I assume your Mom is either protestant or a nympho.
3 tags
Mimbo
Mimbo (mim-boh) -n. a male bimbo.
The girls around the office consider Dave their pet mimbo, if he wasn’t so handsome, the idiot would have been fired months ago.
Grease
Grease (greez) -v. to have sexual intercourse.
Melissa brought home a guy she met at happy hour, greased him, then hit the bar again and came back with a different guy at the end of the night.
Destroy
Destroy (dih-stroi) -v. to have angry, dominative sex.
Melissa totally destroyed me last night, I should forget her birthday every year.
Whisker biscuit
Whisker biscuit (hwis-ker bis-kit) -n. pussy; the vagina, particularly one with a nice bush.
I’d love to butter that tasty little whisker biscuit, if you know what I mean.
3 tags
Ass-to-mouth
Ass-to-mouth [ATM] (as-tuh-mouth) -n. the act of inserting the penis into a partner’s anus, then sticking it in their mouth.
Fair warning; if Dave asks you to go ATM, he does not want a ride to the bank.
Ass kissing
Ass kissing (as kis-ing) 1. -v. trying to please someone in order to gain a personal advantage. 2. act of currying favor through flattery.
This department spends so much time ass kissing, it’s amazing the company is still in business, much less profitable.
Circle jerk
Circle jerk (sur-kuhl jurk) -n. a group of men standing in a ring and either masturbating or jerking each other off.
That status meeting was the biggest circle jerk I’ve been a part of since my days as a fraternity pledge.
Nooky
Nooky (noo k-ee) -n. sex; sexual intercourse or any sexual activity. See also nookie.
Let’s make a little Christmas nooky, let me slide my candy cane inside your sweet cookie.
1 tag
John Thomas
John Thomas (jon tom-uhs) -n. penis.
Seems like a nice fellow, he invited me over to his flat to meet his mate John Thomas.
Goolies
Goolies (goo-lee-es) -n. balls.
There’s nothing wrong with him that a swift kick to the goolies wouldn’t fix.
Frack
Frack -v. damn; shit, as used in the original Battlestar Galactica series. See also frak.
I’m going to Comic-Con next year, even if I have to tell my boss I quit my frack job.