December 2009
27 posts
1 tag
Schlong
Schlong (shlawng) -n. the penis, especially one of an unusually large size (from the Yiddish shlang, literally “snake.”) He enjoyed the attention his massive schlong received from the ladies, but got his biggest thrill out of intimidating the other guys in the locker room shower.
Dec 31st
1 tag
Peg
Peg (peg) -v. to anally penetrate someone with a strap-on dildo. I used to be ashamed about letting my girlfriend peg me, but after reading Dan Savage’s column, I realized how lucky I am to be with her.
Dec 30th
1 tag
Ménage à trois
Ménage à trois -n. a threesome; sexual relations between three people at once. Every guy fantasizes about a ménage à trois, but most of them can’t even please one woman.
Dec 29th
1 tag
Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus (kuhn-l-ing-guhs) -n. orally stimulating the female genitals. Her boyfriend, the doctor, thought cunnilingus was beneath him; so she went back to her ex, the mechanic, who loved eating pussy.
Dec 28th
1 tag
Camel toe
Camel toe (kam-uhl toh) -n. outline of the labia majora of the vagina seen through tight clothes. There are so many websites dedicated to celebrity camel toe pictures, some days I can’t visit them all.
Dec 26th
1 tag
Ho
Ho (ho) -n. 1. a whore, prostitute. 2. a woman with low sexual morals. Santa is a not a ménage à trois voyeur, despite his constant requests for three hos.
Dec 25th
1 tag
Jerk off
Jerk off (jurk awf) –v. to achieve sexual gratification through self-stimulation, to masturbate, usually used in reference to men. One bright side of visiting my parents for the holidays is being able to jerk off in the room I grew up again.
Dec 24th
1 tag
Bitch
Bitch (bich) –n. 1. female dog 2. anything difficult or unpleasant, especially a woman. 3. -v. to complain. Bitching about that crazy bitch in accounting is our favorite office pastime.
Dec 23rd
1 tag
Bastard
Bastard (bas-terd) -n. 1. a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate child. 2. a man who acts like a mean jerk. My old boss was a real bastard, even before he found out his mother was an unwed whore.
Dec 22nd
1 tag
Fisting
Fisting (fist-ing) -n. To insert an entire hand into the vagina or anus. Darling, I do love fisting, but simply abhor your class ring.
Dec 21st
1 tag
Cum
Cum (kŭm) -n. semen ejaculated during orgasm. -v. to achieve orgasm. I warned her that I was about to cum, but she didn’t stop blowing me until she had every last drop of my cum down her throat like a pro.
Dec 20th
1 tag
Pussy
Pussy (poos-ee) -n. 1. the female genitals 2. a weak, timid, wimpy man. He’s a total pussy, but plays up his sensitive side to get tons of pussy.
Dec 19th
1 tag
Ass
Ass (as) -n. 1. the buttocks and rectum. 2. a stupid, foolish, or stubborn person. If that ass quotes FOX News again, I’m gonna kick his fat ass.
Dec 18th
1 tag
Titty fuck
Titty fuck (tit-ee fuhk) -v. To thrust the penis between a woman’s breasts repeatedly until ejaculation. She won’t put out without a ring, so we settled on titty fucking and a pearl necklace.
Dec 16th
1 note
1 tag
Coprophagia
Coprophagia (kop-ruh-fey-jee-uh) -n. eating feces. I assumed “practicing coprophagia” meant she was Wiccan until she asked me to take a shit in her mouth.
Dec 15th
1 tag
Skank
Skank (skangk) -n. a foul, filthy or promiscuous woman. I’d call my boss a skank, but I’m hoping she’ll fuck me in the storeroom again.
Dec 14th
1 tag
Cock
Cock (kok) -n. male organ of copulation and urination. The size of your cock doesn’t define you as a man, she said with a straight face.
Dec 12th
1 tag
Shitfaced
Shitfaced (shit-feyst) -a. mental and physical impairment caused by intoxication. The shitfaced girl acted like she belonged on reality TV.
Dec 11th
1 tag
Damn
Damn (dam) -n. 1. to condemn to hell. 2. to express anger, annoyance, disgust. Damn beavers keep building upstream.
Dec 10th
1 tag
Queef
Queef (kweef) -n. 1. vaginal flatulence. 2. a noisy emission of air from the vagina. Her tremendous queef made me feel like I just had sex with a wind tunnel.
Dec 9th
1 tag
Tits
Tits (tits) -n. pair of mammary glands, areolas and nipples located on the female chest. Your mom had better tits before you were born.
Dec 8th
1 tag
Motherfucker
Motherfucker (muhth-er-fuhk-er) -n. a mean, despicable, or vicious person. When your father drinks, he turns into a real motherfucker.
Dec 7th
1 tag
Cocksucker
Cocksucker (kok-suhk-er) -n. one who performs fellatio. You may not think of yourself as a cocksucker, but you do know how my dick tastes.
Dec 6th
1 tag
Cunt
Cunt (kuhnt) -n. 1. the vulva or vagina. 2. a woman. My wife would kill me if she knew I was even typing the word “cunt.”
Dec 5th
1 tag
Fuck
Fuck (fuhk) -v. to have sexual intercourse. Women respect honesty, but “Please fuck me” has not proven to be an effective pick up line.
Dec 4th
1 tag
Piss
Piss (pis) -n. urine. v. to urinate. I just pissed enough to fill a bucket of piss. Oh, by the way I borrowed your bucket.
Dec 3rd
1 tag
Shit
Shit (shit) -n. excrement. I may need to see a doctor, there’s blood in my shit.
Dec 2nd