February 2012
21 posts
1 tag
Dick around
Dick around (dik uh-round) -v. to do nothing of value; to waste time. Dave just dicks around at work and no one ever calls him on it, must be nice to be a manager.
Feb 24th
1 tag
Asswad
Asswad (as-wod) -n. an obnoxious person. That asswad in the beamer took up two parking spaces and chucked his Starbucks cup into the hedges again.
Feb 23rd
1 tag
Hard
Hard (hahrd) -adj. state of sexual arousal in males, having an erection. She wants me to apologize for her Valentine’s Day card, but I think “I get hard every time you say my name” was a romantic thing to write.
Feb 22nd
Cooter
Cooter (koo-ter) -n. pussy. My Daddy was a traveling choir robe salesman in the bible belt and he bragged that he had a cooter in every congregation.
Feb 21st
Lay pipe
Lay pipe (ley pahyp) -v. to have sexual intercourse. Haven’t seen my girl all week, but I’m gonna take her out to a nice dinner before we lay pipe tonight.
Feb 20th
1 tag
Knob
Knob (nob) -n. 1. dick, penis. 2. the head or tip of the penis. I always give her just enough foreplay to get my knob in, leaves ‘em wanting more.
Feb 19th
3 tags
Asswipe
Asswipe (as-wahyp) -n. 1. a worthless, annoying, pompous or contemptible person. 2. toilet paper. My cheapo roommate started hiding the toilet paper he paid for, so when I need some asswipe I tear a page out of one of his notebooks.
Feb 18th
Dickwad
Dickwad (dikwod) -n. a stupid and ineffective male; a useless idiot. No wonder our numbers are in the toilet; the entire sales force is full of dickwads.
Feb 17th
1 tag
Fucking
Fucking (fuhk-in) -adj. 1. damned; confounded. 2. extremely. (used as an intensifier). I fucking love you and I love fucking you.
Feb 15th
Hit skins
Hit skins (hit skins) -v. to have sexual intercourse. I’m still in shock; my baby and me were hitting skins last night and an Impala crashed right through our living room wall.
Feb 14th
Prick
Prick (prik) -n.1. a penis. 2. a guy who acts like a dick. If you weren’t such a prick, I’d let you do more than buy me a drink.
Feb 13th
Flaccid
Flaccid (flas-id) -adj. soft and limp, not erect nor aroused. Still handcuffed to the bed, Dave lay fat and flaccid waiting for the maid to rescue him.
Feb 12th
3 tags
Fag hag
Fag hag (fag hag) -n. a woman who mainly associates with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends. I’m not a fag hag, I just don’t trust straight men.
Feb 11th
3 tags
Hair pie
Hair pie (hair pahy) –n. vagina, pussy, bush; a woman’s wedge shaped pubic hair. My most awkward sexual encounter in high school was when Meredith Palmer’s hair pie got caught on my braces.
Feb 10th
3 tags
Dickhead
Dickhead (dĭk’hěd’) -n. 1. a stupid, foolish, or contemptible person, a jerk. 2. The tip of the penis. Don’t be a dickhead; leave a decent tip.
Feb 8th
Penetrate
Penetrate (pen-i-treyt) -v. to enter a penis, digit or object into an orifice of the body. Our heroine’s bosom heaved as the farm boy slowly penetrated her with his pulsating man muscle.
Feb 7th
2 tags
Knob-end
Knob-end (nob-end) -n. the tip of penis; dick head. Popping a cherry ain’t all it’s cracked up to be; she was so tight, my knob-end felt like it was getting squeezed off.
Feb 6th
6 tags
4-way
4-way (fawr-wey) -n. a sexual encounter between four people; a foursome. See also four way. No way we’re having a 4-way, too much stress and mess.
Feb 5th
Fuckwad
Fuckwad (fuhk-wad) -n. an idiot who is beneath contempt. 2. jism expelled in an act of intercourse. Your teacher isn’t a fuckwad, you just have a problem with authority.
Feb 4th
2 tags
Bash the bishop
Bash the bishop (bash the bish-uh’p) -v. to masturbate. My most embarrassing moment was getting a suspension from Catholic school for bashing the bishop under the bleachers.
Feb 3rd
3 tags
Dickbag
Dickbag (dikbag) –n. 1. an idiot, especially one who is mean or rude. Every bar downtown is full of stuck up drama queens and dickbags fighting to buy them drinks.
Feb 2nd
3 tags
Fuckstick
Fuckstick (fuhk-stik) -n. 1. an idiot, usually male. 2. the penis.  Put your fuckstick back in your pants and go make us breakfast.
Feb 1st
January 2012
32 posts
2 tags
Goddamned
Goddamned (god-dam-ed) -adv. 1. cursed as being contemptible or worthless 2. extremely. And I would have gotten away with if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their goddamned dog.
Jan 31st
Taint
Taint (teynt) -n. the area between the anus and genitals; the perineum. Your taint ain’t a bad place to stash your weed if you plan on smoking alone.
Jan 30th
Multiorgasmic
Multiorgasmic (ȯr-ˈgaz-mik) -adj. experiencing several climactic releases of sexual tension one after another. Is it too much to ask to get away to a little bed and breakfast and have multiorgasmic sex all weekend?
Jan 29th
Laid
Laid (leyd) -v. to have sexual intercourse, past tense of lay. I spent my teens trying to get laid, my twenties trying to get a girlfriend, my thirties trying to get married and my forties wishing I was a teenager again.
Jan 28th
Dildo
Dildo (dil-doh) -n. 1. sex toy, often penis shaped, used to stimulate and penetrate the vagina or anus. 2. a stupid person, usually a male. If you take your dildo on vacation, go ahead and check your luggage, trust me.
Jan 27th
Cock tease
Cock (kok) -n. 1. male organ of copulation and urination. 2. an overconfident jerk. That cock in the red tie just cut to the front of the line and tries to slip the maître d’ a ten-dollar bill.
Jan 26th
Pussy
Pussy (poos-ee) -n. 1. the female genitals 2. a weak, timid, wimpy man. I learned a lot from my Father after the Alzheimer’s set in; I still live by his dying words, “God bless pussy.”
Jan 25th
Balloons
Balloons (buh-loons) -n. large tits. Ever since the boob job, I can’t titty fuck Melissa without worrying that I’m gonna pop those $4,000 balloons.
Jan 24th
Knock boots
Knock boots (nok boots) -v. to have sexual intercourse. Melissa’s dad caught us knocking boots in the back of his Cadillac.
Jan 23rd
1 tag
Dick juice
Dick juice (dik joos) -n. any bodily fluid emanating from the penis; semen or urine. I’d swallow a pint of Ryan Gosling’s dick juice if he’d put a drop inside me to have babies.
Jan 22nd
Balls
Balls (bawl-s) -n. testicles; nuts. This week can suck my balls, it’s time for happy hour.
Jan 21st
Load
Load (lohd) -n. semen, ejaculate. That guy I met at the gym dribbled his load onto my stomach before I could get my panties off.
Jan 20th
1 tag
Ass
Ass (as) -n. 1. the buttocks and rectum. 2. a stupid, foolish, or stubborn person. Information and porn are meant to free, so tell Congress to stick SOPA up their ass.
Jan 18th
Anal
Anal (eyn-l) 1. -n. intercourse performed via the anus by a man with a man or woman. 2. –adj. compulsively organized or uptight. Dave is so anal about taking it up the ass, I have to use exactly one teaspoon of lube.
Jan 18th
Fuck off
Fuck off (fuhk awf) -v. 1. go away. 2. to spend time idly. Winter can fuck off.
Jan 17th
3 tags
Piss-ant
Piss-ant (pis-ant) 1. -n. one who is insignificant. 2. -adj. not important. Which one of you little piss-ants took my parking space?
Jan 16th
Nocturnal emission
Nocturnal emission (nok-tur-nl e ih-mish-uh n) -n. the involuntary release of semen during sleep, often during a dream of a sexual nature; a wet dream. Since her two boys hit puberty, Melissa pretends not to notice their nocturnal emissions while doing the laundry.
Jan 15th
Gang bang
Gang bang (gang bang) -n. sexual intercourse performed by multiple people successively with one passive partner, usually several males having sex with the same female one after another, often forcibly. A gang bang always looks hotter in the movies than it is in practice.
Jan 14th
3 tags
Douchepacker
Douchepacker (doosh-pak-er) -n. a lesbian who prefers to wears a strap-on dildo to have sex with other women. The biggest collection of erotica and toys I’ve ever seen belonged to a petite douchepacker I shacked up with in Brooklyn.
Jan 13th
Slurry bucket
Slurry bucket (slur-ee buhk-et) -n.any orifice in which a hand can be inserted. (Taken form the word slurry meaning a suspension of solid particles in a liquid, as in a mixture of cement, clay, coal dust, manure, meat, etc. with water.) I couldn’t get Melissa off last night, it felt like I was rummaging around in her slurry bucket for hours.
Jan 12th
1 tag
Ho
Ho (ho) -n. 1. a whore, prostitute. 2. a woman with low sexual morals. Melissa is the most talkative ho on the block, but she always lets me bum a cigarette.
Jan 11th
1 tag
Jizz
Jizz (jiz) -n. semen; the whitish, thick, sticky fluid produced in the male reproductive organs. Pro tip: Start planning for April Fools’ Day now; it takes longer than you think to save up a whole mayonnaise jar worth of jizz.
Jan 10th
Cream pie
Cream pie (kreem pahy) -n. a vagina or asshole with sperm dripping from it. I understand that performance art is avant-garde, but what does the squeegee he’s using to clean the jizz out of her cream pie symbolize?
Jan 9th
Chili dog
Chili dog (chil-ee dawg) -n. act of a man defecating on a woman’s chest then titty fucking her. When Melissa asked if a chili dog was on the menu tonight, I had no idea I was dating such a dirty little bitch.
Jan 8th
2 tags
Bell end
Bell end (bel end) -n. the tip of the penis; dick head. Melissa was bobbing on my bell end like Quasimodo swinging in the tower at Notre Dame.
Jan 7th
4 tags
Goddamn
Goddamn (god-dam) 1. interj. used to express extreme displeasure, anger, or surprise. 2. -n. damn. 3. -v. to curse as being contemptible or worthless 3. -adv. extremely. I can’t believe I broke my goddamn resolutions already.
Jan 6th
3 tags
Hand job
Hand job (hand job) -n. the act of masturbating someone else; manual stimulation of someone’s penis to the point of ejaculation. What’s a guy gotta do to get a hand job at this spa?
Jan 5th
4 tags
Bum-fuck
Bum-fuck (buhm-fuhk) -n. an isolated or backward location in the middle of nowhere. I must have overdone it on New Year’s Eve, because I woke up in some bum-fuck roadside diner without my car keys or phone.
Jan 4th