May 2012
13 posts
Going on another fucking hiatus for a few weeks.
May 15th
3 tags
Cock ring
Cock ring (kok ring)- n. a constrictive device placed around the base of the penis to restrict blood flow in order to maintain an erection. It didn’t end well when Dave panicked and tried using wire cutters to get the cock ring off.
May 12th
1 note
May 11th
1 tag
Nuts
Nuts (nuhts) -n. testicles. Is there anything funnier than some poor schmuck getting hit in the nuts?
May 11th
3 tags
Booze-whore
Booze-whore (booz-hawr) -n. a woman who flirts with a guy without any romantic intentions in order to get him to pay for her drinks. Don’t waste your time on the blonde by the jukebox; that little booze-whore drained my wallet last Saturday.
May 10th
Fluff
Fluff (fluh) -v. to sexually arouse a male to achieve or maintain an erection. Well, for now I just fluff the guys between takes but I really want to direct.
May 9th
Shithead
Shit (shit) -n. 1. excrement; feces. 2. an act of defecating; evacuation. 3. lies, exaggeration or nonsense. 4. something inferior or worthless. 5. a selfish, mean, or otherwise contemptible person. 6. narcotic drugs, esp. heroin or marijuana. 7. stuff; belongings, possessions, mementos. 8. responsibilities, activities. 9. -v. to defecate. 10. -v. to exaggerate or lie to. 11. –interjection. (used...
May 8th
Hung
Hung (huhng) -adj. having a large penis. Just once before I get married, I want to suck off a guy that’s hung like a porn star.
May 7th
Cream
Cream (kreem) -v. to ejaculate. That awkward moment when you cream yourself on the dance floor.
May 6th
Foot job
Foot job (foot job) -n. the act of rubbing your feet on someone else’s penis, ideally to ejaculation. Dave offered a girl at Payless $20 for a foot job and she took him up on it.
May 5th
3 tags
Peckerhead
Peckerhead (pek-er-hed) -n. 1. the head or tip of the penis. 2. an idiotic male. Do you work at being such a peckerhead or does it just happen naturally?
May 4th
Fellatio
Fellatio (fuh-ley-shee-oh) -n. oral stimulation of the penis, especially to orgasm. Calling it fellatio doesn’t make you less of a cock-sucking whore.
May 3rd
1 tag
Duck butter
Duck butter (duhk buht-er) -n. 1. sweat that accumulates in between a man’s scrotum and anus. 2. sperm, cum. Dude, take a shower, you reek of rancid duck butter.
May 2nd
1 note
April 2012
19 posts
Pimp
Pimp (pimp) -n. 1. One who manages or solicits customers for prostitutes in exchange for a percentage of their earnings. 2. a man who is successful with the ladies. Just like any other small business, government regulation and employee retention make it hard out here for a pimp.
Apr 30th
Boobies
Boobie (boob-ee) -n. a female breast. I’m just saying you wouldn’t think it was so adorable if I was the one who shit my pants while sucking on your boobie.
Apr 29th
4 tags
BJ
BJ (be jey) –n. a blowjob; oral sex performed on a man. The only thing on my bucket list is to get a BJ while eating a PB&J.
Apr 27th
3 tags
Jailbait
Jailbait (jeyl-beyt) -n. a girl under the legal age of content for sexual intercourse. I only flirt with jailbait for the satisfaction of rejecting the type of girls who rejected me when I was their age.
Apr 26th
3 tags
Shithead
Shithead (shit-hed) -n. an incompetent, contemptible person; a stupid jerk. Hey shithead, stop pissing in our shower.
Apr 25th
1 note
3 tags
Asshole
Asshole (as-hohl) -n. 1. the anus. 2. a contemptible, detestable person. 3. the worst part of an object or location. The golden rule revised: Just don’t be an asshole and you’re golden.
Apr 24th
Wad
Wad (wod) –n. the amount of cum emitted by a male’s orgasm. I sorry, but “shoot your wad in me” just doesn’t sound sexy no matter how you say it.
Apr 23rd
1 tag
Foreskin
Foreskin (fawr-skin) -n. the fold of skin that covers the tip of the penis; prepuce. How did God came up with the no foreskin rule for his chosen people?
Apr 22nd
Cunt rag
Cunt rag (kuhnt rag) –n. 1. a tampon or sanitary napkin used for vaginal hygiene during the menstrual cycle. 2. an obnoxious loser; douchebag. I had to move my couch across the room because my landlord is a cunt rag and the roof still leaks.
Apr 21st
2 tags
Renob
Renob (rey-nob) -n. 1. an erection that suddenly becomes flaccid, a limp penis. 2. a moron. (taken from boner spelled backwards.) If Dave wasn’t such a renob maybe he wouldn’t have backed his truck into the marina.
Apr 20th
Pop a nut
Pop a nut (pop a nuht) -v. to ejaculate. Are you telling me I’m only guy in the room who didn’t pop a nut in Melissa over the weekend?
Apr 19th
Shaft
Shaft (shahft) -n. the area on an erect penis from the base to, but not including, the head. All I want to do is wrap my lips around your shaft and suck you like a melting popsicle.
Apr 18th
Boobies
Boobies (boob-es) -n. breasts, tits. I’ve never gotten over my adolescent fascination with boobies and I pray I never do.
Apr 17th
1 tag
Flash
Flash (flash) -v. to expose the genitals or breasts suddenly and briefly to an individual or in public. Some perv flashed us in the park, but ran off crying when we laughed.
Apr 16th
1 tag
Go down
Go down (goh doun) -v. to perform oral sex on a man or woman. I don’t mind when Melissa is on the rag, it’s the only time all month she goes down on me.
Apr 15th
Roger
Roger (roj-er) -v. to have anal sex. Just once I’d like to read a work of 007 fan fiction that doesn’t end with a henchman getting rogered by James Bond.
Apr 12th
Mack
Mack (mak) -v. 1. to hit on; flirt with someone. 2. to make out. Dave spent the whole night macking on this cutie, then her boyfriend showed up at last call.
Apr 11th
Bang
Bang (bang) -v. to fuck. I banged my waitress behind the Olive Garden after her shift ended, so yeah, I had a good weekend.
Apr 9th
Back from hiatus
Feeling refreshed and ready to curse again.
Apr 9th
March 2012
22 posts
Fondle
Fondle (fon-dl) -v. 1. to caress or hold the breast or genitals. 2. to handle or touch affectionately or tenderly. Some creep in a suit tried to fondle me on the subway, so I smacked him in the face with my Kindle.
Mar 22nd
Rack
Rack (rak) -n. breasts. You’re really lucky; your Mom has a great rack.
Mar 20th
Pee
Pee (pee) 1. -v. to urinate. 2. -n. urine. Yeah, your boyfriend’s hot but I wouldn’t drink his pee.
Mar 20th
Bust a nut
Bust a nut (buhst ey nuht) -v. to ejaculate; to have sexual intercourse. The way Melissa grinds, she’ll make you bust a nut on the dance floor.
Mar 19th
Butt
Butt (buht) -n. the buttocks, the two fleshy protuberances forming the hump of the ass. A guy in this chatroom just offered me $200 to let him eat butterscotch candies out of my butt.
Mar 18th
Bunghole
Bunghole (buhng-hohl) -n. 1. the asshole. 2. cavity through which a cask is filled. This whole place reeks like your bunghole after a Phish concert.
Mar 17th
Oral
Oral (awr-uh l) -n. sexual activity involving stimulation of the genitals using the mouth, tongue, teeth or throat. See also fellatio and cunnilingus. Melissa will only do oral, because swallowing is cheaper than birth control.
Mar 15th
Squirts
Squirts (skwurts) -n. diarrhea. I need a new excuse for skipping the status meeting, no one is gonna believe I got the squirts again this week.
Mar 15th
Booty
Booty (boo-tee) 1. butt, a nice ass, especially female. 2. sexual intercourse. Unless you’ve got a gold album hanging on the wall of your crib or a parrot perched on your peg leg, don’t call it “booty.”
Mar 14th
2 tags
Asshat
Asshat (as-hat) -n. an ignorant and obnoxious person; one who has their head up their butt. I’m not saying my brother is a total asshat, but he wasn’t born with brown hair.
Mar 13th
Hummer
Hummer (huhm-er) -n. a blowjob; oral stimulation of the penis. Any hooker that’ll give you a hummer for twenty bucks had a different dick in her mouth twenty minutes ago.
Mar 12th
Schlong
Schlong (shlawng) -n. the penis, especially one of an unusually large size. from the Yiddish shlang, literally “snake.” Keep swinging your schlong around, I’m sure she’ll notice eventually.
Mar 11th
2 tags
Nipple
Nipple (nip-uh l) -n. protuberance of the breast; teat. Melissa’s nipples look like gumdrops resting on silver dollars.
Mar 10th
1 tag
Winnie the poohing
Winnie the poohing (win-ee the poo-ing) -v. taking a shit while wearing just a shirt without pants or underwear. I can’t explain it, but I feel more relaxed when I’m winnie the poohing.
Mar 9th
Buns
Buns (buhns) -n. ass cheeks, the butt. A homeless guy at the deli told me he wanted to bite into my hot buns, which was dumb ‘cause I had just bought a bagel.
Mar 8th
Clean
Clean (kleen) -adj. not having a sexually transmitted disease. The guy I met at the bowling alley swore he was clean, but I made him go back inside and buy a condom from men’s room vending machine.
Mar 7th
Cream pie
Cream (kreem) -v. to ejaculate. Remember that Spring Break when you were making out with that freshman on the beach and creamed your jams?
Mar 6th
1 tag
Bee stings
Bee stings (bee stings) -n. small breasts. I’m glad I never got a boob job, even though I hated getting taunted with “buzz’ noises for having bee stings in high school.
Mar 5th