Laid
Laid (leyd) -v. to have sexual intercourse, past tense of lay.
I spent my teens trying to get laid, my twenties trying to get a girlfriend, my thirties trying to get married and my forties wishing I was a teenager again.
Dildo
Dildo (dil-doh) -n. 1. sex toy, often penis shaped, used to stimulate and penetrate the vagina or anus. 2. a stupid person, usually a male.
If you take your dildo on vacation, go ahead and check your luggage, trust me.
Cock tease
Cock (kok) -n. 1. male organ of copulation and urination. 2. an overconfident jerk.
That cock in the red tie just cut to the front of the line and tries to slip the maître d’ a ten-dollar bill.
Pussy
Pussy (poos-ee) -n. 1. the female genitals 2. a weak, timid, wimpy man.
I learned a lot from my Father after the Alzheimer’s set in; I still live by his dying words, “God bless pussy.”
Balloons
Balloons (buh-loons) -n. large tits.
Ever since the boob job, I can’t titty fuck Melissa without worrying that I’m gonna pop those $4,000 balloons.
Knock boots
Knock boots (nok boots) -v. to have sexual intercourse.
Melissa’s dad caught us knocking boots in the back of his Cadillac.
Dick juice
Dick juice (dik joos) -n. any bodily fluid emanating from the penis; semen or urine.
I’d swallow a pint of Ryan Gosling’s dick juice if he’d put a drop inside me to have babies.
Balls
Balls (bawl-s) -n. testicles; nuts.
This week can suck my balls, it’s time for happy hour.
Load
Load (lohd) -n. semen, ejaculate.
That guy I met at the gym dribbled his load onto my stomach before I could get my panties off.
Ass
Ass (as) -n. 1. the buttocks and rectum. 2. a stupid, foolish, or stubborn person.
Information and porn are meant to free, so tell Congress to stick SOPA up their ass.
Anal
Anal (eyn-l) 1. -n. intercourse performed via the anus by a man with a man or woman. 2. –adj. compulsively organized or uptight.
Dave is so anal about taking it up the ass, I have to use exactly one teaspoon of lube.
Fuck off
Fuck off (fuhk awf) -v. 1. go away. 2. to spend time idly.
Winter can fuck off.
Piss-ant
Piss-ant (pis-ant) 1. -n. one who is insignificant. 2. -adj. not important.
Which one of you little piss-ants took my parking space?
Nocturnal emission
Nocturnal emission (nok-tur-nl e ih-mish-uh n) -n. the involuntary release of semen during sleep, often during a dream of a sexual nature; a wet dream.
Since her two boys hit puberty, Melissa pretends not to notice their nocturnal emissions while doing the laundry.
Gang bang
Gang bang (gang bang) -n. sexual intercourse performed by multiple people successively with one passive partner, usually several males having sex with the same female one after another, often forcibly.
A gang bang always looks hotter in the movies than it is in practice.